For some, the idea of being a physician and parent may seem daunting. However, those already raising young families say it’s not only possible, but also benefits their career.
“Medicine doesn’t have to be a fully self-sacrificing career anymore,” said Dr. Kathryn Wood, a family physician specializing in surgery and obstetrics in Peace River.
“… It’s a career ultimately driven by altruism, but I think that we’re recognizing now that to be successful long term, and to be the healthiest physician for our patients, you need to set some boundaries and maintain some home life.”
Not solely a sentiment felt within the medical community, Wood shared that rural communities especially understand this need for balance.
To help demonstrate this rural understanding of work-life balance, she asked her husband, Dr. Adam Mildenberger, to share a story from last year when he began to inform patients that he would be taking three months parental leave after the birth of their son Isaac.
“I had a patient who said, ‘I’m so glad that you’re doing this, because we keep seeing physicians come, burn out, and leave. I would like a physician who is able to stay in the community and raise a family,” said Mildenberger, a family physician and trained anesthetist who works alongside his wife at the Peace River Medical Clinic and Peace River Community Health Centre.
“[Having kids] wasn’t going to be an easy ‘oh, my wife is just going stay home,’” he continued. “If we were going to have a [child], we were both going to be active participants. I had to step up, and there was definitely a learning curve.”
But according to Mildenberger, it was this curve that not only made him a good father, but a better doctor as well.
“It’s helpful to be a doctor with [a child],” he shared, explaining that, prior becoming a physician, he had very little experience with children.
“I had held a baby before and attempted swaddles as a med[ical] student, so I find [having a child] a benefit to medicine.
“Now that I’m a parent, I know a lot more about pediatrics.”
Sharing a similar sentiment, Dr. Jillian Rogers, a rural family medicine locum currently working in Innisfail, reflected that the experience of being a mother has helped her to better understand her patients.
— Photo supplied by Dr. Jillian Rogers
“Overall, it’s been quite positive just to have that added life experience that allows you to be more empathetic to people and meet them where they’re at,” said the mother of one-year-old son, Hiram.
“Not that someone who’s not a parent can’t do that by any means, but it’s just opened my eyes to some of the difficulties and joys in people’s lives.”
Admitting that this increased compassion and understanding of their patients was unexpected, all three doctors say there were many other aspects of becoming parents that they had to be realistic about.
“Going into having kids, we both knew that we wanted to work,” said Rogers, explaining that her husband Daniel runs his own business. “We’ve had to take every stage of this journey through parenthood together and keep the communication open, because things can change.”
“When I went back to work, we had to figure out what was going work in terms of how much on-call [service] I was going to do, how many days [I’d work], and who was going to help raise our child,” she said. “It was a big consideration, and I think every family has to do that to some extent.”
“When the people that you work with know your family, they are willing to jump in and help when there’s demands on you clinically. I think having a smaller community can let you have more of that work-life balance.”
– Dr. Jillian Rogers
Combining two hectic roles can have its challenges, but approaching those roles with respect for each other, and a willingness to ask for help can make all the difference.
“For the first two months after going back to work, my husband and I were splitting the [responsibility of] childcare, but we were being pulled between work and parenting and weren’t able to give what was needed at work because of it,” said Rogers.
“Getting good childcare, rather than trying to do it all ourselves, was a really good decision for us,” she said, adding that the couple is expecting their second child later this year.
Coming from a family of doctors, the need for help with childcare was an aspect of parenthood with which Wood was familiar, and something that she and Mildenberger planned for from the beginning.
“We knew going into getting pregnant and having a [child] that we would have a nanny,” she said. “I grew up with nannies, because both my parents are physicians, so I had no qualms about it.”
“I think people struggle with asking for help. I see it all of the time, not even just with doctors who have families,” added Mildenberger. “[Parents] used to have extended family members that would help raise their kids, that was the model, but now we’re all kind of singular.”
“We see it all the time where people are struggling, and they kind of feel guilty asking for help,” he continued. “But [needing help] is normal, so we have to ask, and we have to [be willing] to help each other.”
And it’s this openness to asking for and providing help, that these doctors say is epitomized in rural communities.
“I think rurally, because we are a close-knit community, it’s easier to ask for help, and you’re more likely to get help,” said Wood. “I definitely think it’s why I work rurally. I really think there’s a benefit to work here.”
“Rural and family medicine have unique challenges, but also a lot of opportunities and flexibility that other careers may not have that allow you to balance parenting and work,” said Rogers.
“When the people that you work with know your family, they are willing to jump in and help when there’s demands on you clinically. I think having a smaller community can let you have more of that work-life balance.”
— Lesley Allen